Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
