do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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