there's paper in my vomit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
