i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
