I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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