my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
