I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
