so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
