can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
