She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
