seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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