it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize