Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
