How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
