He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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