thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
