TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
