Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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