I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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