I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
