you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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