this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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