would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
