Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
