If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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