The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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