why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize