I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
