Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
