walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
