i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
