I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
