i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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