He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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