She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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