He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
