I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
