I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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