We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
