she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
