You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my sisters under your porch take her home
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
