If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
