You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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