I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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