I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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