If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
