Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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