I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
