The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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