my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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