I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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