I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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