"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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