I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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