i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
