Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
