Need sex. Gaining weight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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