is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
