She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
