thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it's like iHOP with fire
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
