She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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