He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
