I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
