Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
