dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
