Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
